When I look around in my life, all I see is unhappiness... my friends are unhappy, my lover is unhappy, my fucking cat is unhappy. So I ask you all a question: why be unhappy when you can be happy? When you are happy you become a productive member of society... you can smile and love, and be glad that all is well. I will give you steps to being happy in a Baz Luhrmann-esque manner now. First of all, realize that anything that happens to you is probably your fault, be it good or bad. Take credit for the good things and leave the bad behind. Realize that happiness is not material in nature... it does not come from having pornography, or having a lot of friends, or owning the biggest television set on your damn street. It comes from knowing that things are either well or will get better, and you have nothing else you need. Falling in love is also a great way to make you happier but this one may be a little trickier. You could call a dating service if you have trouble meeting members of the opposite sex, but since you're reading this you're at the least intelligent... both sexes love that. I think so, anyway. I didn't actually think any of this up... it all came from my dog Woofie. You see, he speaks to me sometimes... but his advice is always sound. He never tells me to do anything wrong, and he is always happy. I believe that he has found the key to true happiness... and I hope he will someday share it. Dogs are always smiling.

1) Realize you are different. Take comfort in this fact... no-one is better than you simply because you are the best at being you. Nobody can take that away from you.
2) Money doesn't buy happiness... it can buy a car. If a car is what you believe would make you happy then you are in need of a major restructuring of your morals.
3) Happiness does not come for long periods at once. It comes in bursts... you can be happy for a few moments at a time. These are the moments in life you should look for instead of spending your life wasting away unhappily in front of a computer. You will be missing out on life itself.
4) Buy a dog. Dogs are always smiling.
5) Inspirational posters can aid greatly in your quest for happiness.
6) If all else fails, we can make you happy. Take comfort in this fact... we love you. You are always welcome here, and you will always have friends in us. Trust us.